Marriage: The Husband’s Role

Husband wife kiss

With having established what a marriage is and what it is not, I will begin to look at the people in the marriage. The first will be the husband. I have chosen to look at the role of the husband first because it is he that the bible begins talking about first in Genesis.

After making Adam, God knew that he needed a helpmate–a wife–to help him out. God then created Eve. Immediately after giving Adam Eve God said: “For this reason a man will his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”. (Genesis 2:24). Jesus repeats these same words thousands of years later when talking to some Pharisees about marriage and divorce (Matthew 19:5). Paul later also repeats these words in Ephesians 5:31. Being repeated several times shows that these words are important and must be heeded.

Genesis 2-24

Notice in this verse that the man and woman will become ‘one  flesh‘. This shows that in a marriage there is no longer ‘me’ and ‘you’ or ‘him’ and ‘her’. The two are together. It is not all about him, nor is it all about her. There is no selfishness allowed in a marriage.

Often men feel as that because they are to be the head of the household, they are the boss and it is all about them and their desires. They rule the wife and the household like a dictator demanding everything their way. This cannot be further from the truth of what marriage is supposed to be like.

Although God is in absolute control, He is not a God who is an extreme dictator, ruling with an iron fist. He is a God who is loving and compassionate, looking out for the best for each one He is over. Marriage is working together as one, helping each other out.

Now I shall look at just how a husband is to love his wife and treat her.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Ephesians 5:25-27

Paul tells the husbands to love their wives. He pushes that issue strongly and gives an example of how they are supposed to love their wives–just as Jesus loved the church.

So, how did Jesus love the church? With a perfect, self-sacrificing, undying love. Think about this for a moment. How much did Jesus love the church or people? It was while people hated Him, while they did not want anything to do with Him, while they were beating Him and pounding nails into His hands and feet that He loved them. Jesus gave Himself up for the church. He did not have to do this, but chose to do it because of His great love for the church.

Crown and nails

There is absolutely nothing that you have done that should make God love you at all. In fact, with everything you have done, you deserve God’s most extreme wrath of punishment. Yet, God loved you, Jesus loved you enough to pay the price for your sins and set you free from condemnation and judgement. This is extreme love.

Husbands you are to love your wives in this very same way.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church. Ephesians 5:28-29 

What does it mean then to love the wife? It is to feed and care for her. This is doing the same that every man does for himself, he feeds and takes care of himself. It is to work at meeting her needs, no matter what those needs are.

God feeds and cares for you. He provides physical food for you to eat to nourish your physical body. He also provides spiritual food to provide for your spirit and make it alive.

In the beginning God created the earth and all that is in it to provide for the physical needs of mankind. Later, Jesus died upon the cross to provide for the spiritual needs of man. God went all the way to help mankind out in every way needed and possible. There was no limit to His provision or love, both are endless, eternal.

Fresh organic vegetables in the garden

Men, instead of putting yourself and selfish desires first, put your wife first. The only one that should be before your wife in your life is God. God first, then your wife. When you put God first, putting your wife next will be easy. When you take your eyes off of God, you become selfish and putting your wife next will be nearly impossible and you will fail.

Every day you must ask yourself how you can help your wife be the best that she can be for God and others in this world. Ask yourself how you can meet her needs first, before working to meet your own needs.

The best way to do this is to seek God’s direction. God will show you how to help your wife. Then trust God to meet your needs as you trust Him to help you meet her needs. This is real love. Remember that God is all about love. God is love (1 John 4:8It is because of love that God created this world. It is because of love that Jesus died upon the cross. It is because of love that Jesus forgives us of our sins.

Hands as heart

Your marriage must be about love, not just sexual love, but true love. Love that puts the other person first. Love that is self-sacrificing. Love that is forgiving. Love that is patient. Love that is not easily angered. Love that does not remember wrongs done. Love that does not dishonor. Love that is not proud or boasting. Love that is not easily angered. Love that always protects. Love that always trusts. Love that always hopes. Love that always perseveres. Love that never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8

This type of love is not easy, but it is what is best. There will be tough times. Your wife will hurt you at times. There will be challenges and disagreements. Jesus loves you even though you hurt Him at times. Every time you sin, you hurt Jesus, yet, He still loves you.

Yet, love will persevere and strive to keep going. Love will triumph in the end.

Arc De Triomphe

Men, love your wife. Love her as Christ loves you. As you love her and put her above yourself, you will have a much better marriage. You will also have a marriage that God wanted you to have.

Thank you for staying with me as I continue to look at marriage. Next week I will look at the wife’s role in a marriage.

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Marriage Vows: I Do

I do

One of the things that people look forward to in going to a wedding ceremony is waiting for the marriage vows to be said. When the vows are said, it completes the marriage ceremony and the couple are then married. It becomes official.

Although there is nothing in the bible about having to say a marriage vow when one gets married, there is nothing against the bible in saying a vow. All a vow is, is making a promise. It is promising that you will do or not do something. It is committing oneself to something or someone.

In a wedding ceremony the common traditional marriage vow goes somewhat like this:

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”

Some have changed the wording some, but this is the basic standard of a traditional wedding vow or promise.

Autum twigs

When you look at this vow, you will see that it covers everything possible in a marriage–better/worse, richer/poorer, sickness/health. Every marriage will go through every one of these at some point or another. It is human nature to do better or worse, be richer or poorer, and have times of sickness or good health.

Every person who goes into a marriage must realize that these things will occur. There will be times of great joy and happiness, when everything is going perfectly. There will also be times of struggle and pain. Neither one should stop a marriage.

All of these things are done because of love. The next part of the vow is to love and cherish the spouse.

Love comes from God. Remember God is love. God loves you with a perfect, undying love. That love is a love that loves you no matter what, better/worse, richer/poorer, sickness/health. There will be times of better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness and health as you walk this life on this earth. God’s love for you remains the same. He keeps His promise to love you for all eternity.

Heart padlock

The same love God has for you is to be brought into a marriage. There will be times that will be better and there will be times that will be worse. There will be times that will be richer and times that will be poorer. There will be health as well as sickness. None of these things should change a marriage and the vows to each other.

As you are going through life married and begin to face some tough times, the worse times, look back to your vow at the beginning. Think about why you were willing to say ‘I do’ to those vows. Hold on to that reason. Keep loving and cherishing your spouse, regardless of what your spouse says or does.

It will not always be easy, but then life is not easy either. Walking with God is not always easy. There are always tough choices to make. There are always difficult times to walk through when walking with God. It is a walk of faith.

Older couple walking

Your marriage is a walk of faith with God. You are trusting that your spouse will be faithful and continue to love you, just as God has faith that you will be faithful and love Him as He loves you.

When you said ‘I do’ you made a promise. Now work at keeping that promise and don’t give up.

Thank you for continuing with me on this journey at looking at marriage. Next week I will look at the husband and his responsibility in a marriage. Have a blessed marriage in our Lord Jesus Christ! See you next week as we continue this journey.

Marriage: What Is Marriage?

Wedding couple

In order to begin to look at marriage we have to start with defining what marriage is. Over history throughout the world there has been different meanings of what marriage is and is not.

While individuals and even the world as a whole defines marriage in multiple ways, there has to be an ultimate authority on what marriage is. In this study on marriage, I will be looking at it as from the viewpoint of God and the Bible. This is with the thought that God created everything. If God created everything, then He is the ultimate authority and can define everything and anything in His way.

If you take God out of the picture, then anything goes. At that point there is no real definition of what marriage is. Marriage can then become any thing a person wants it to be, there are no limits or boundaries in which one cannot cross.

Looking at the world, one can see how these boundaries have been removed and nearly anything goes. In some countries there are a few boundaries still in place, while in others, nearly every boundary has been removed. Each nation has its own set of rules and boundaries on how they define a marriage and what is acceptable and what is not.

Tangled roots

In America, many boundaries have been removed as a whole. However, in some states, some of those boundaries are still recognized and held on to, though many wish to remove all boundaries.

Marriage begins in the beginning of all creation. God had made the earth and everything in it. After making the land, seas, sky, plants, animals, birds, and fish, God made man. He made Adam to take care of this new earth He had created. Adam was the first man made.

God noticed that Adam did not have a helper to help him, so He chose to create a woman for him. At that point God created Eve, the first woman.

Notice the process that God did in making Eve. He took a rib out of Adam and created Eve. She was made different and was called by a different name.

Couple holding hands

At this point the world had its first marriage. There was no ceremony or celebration, it just became a marriage. Eve had become Adam’s wife. They become one in flesh and spirit.

This here shows that marriage is between one man and one woman. It is not between two men or two women, or between a man and child or woman and child, or even between a person and an animal. Nor is this between one man and several woman or one woman and several men. It is one to one. The world has chosen to corrupt what God has made.

If God is not in the picture, then, yes, the world has the right to define what marriage is in whatever measure they want. Without God there is no absolute authority and anything goes. However, there is a God and there will be a day of reckoning where everyone will have to give an account to what he or she did.

Over time, man has chosen to create a ceremony to establish a marriage. This is where the wedding comes in. The ceremony is not the actual creation of the marriage, but the public proclamation and recognition of what one man and one woman does.

Bride and groom

The actual marriage takes place when the man and woman choose to be together as one before the eyes of God, with or without a ceremony, and in or outside of a church, and with or without a minister. It is when they agree to say ‘I do’ to each other in their hearts and minds as one.

The wedding certificate is just man’s way of showing proof that the two are married and that both had agreed to the marriage. It is a formal way of tracking marriages. This is needed because people will lie. Later many might try to say that they had never been married, when in fact, they had been. This is just proof.

This here is just the basic beginning of what marriage is. It is the groundwork for the rest of this study. Next week I want to look more at the vows that are done in the marriage ceremony and what they can mean in a marriage. After that I will continue to look at what marriage looks like and how to make it work or destroy it. See you next week!

A New Series Study

Wedding shoes

All over the world there is one thing that every nation has–marriages. Over the years the views and the way marriage looks and is considered has changed.

Recently there has been a lot of debate about what marriage is. Every where a person looks there are people who are in marriage, but are struggling. Divorce is a common action that occurs. It is rare to meet a couple who has been married more than a few years with only one spouse.

With this in mind, I have been led by God to do a study on marriage. I want to look at what marriage is, what it is not, some things that make a marriage work, some things that will destroy a marriage, and also divorce and remarriage. In all of these questions I will strive to use scripture to back what I believe God says about marriage.

Whether you are someone who is happily married or one who is struggling in a marriage, you may find some benefit in this study. Those who are still single may learn to know what to look for and expect in a marriage.

I will say that I am no expert on marriage, nor do I have a degree that gives me any thing extra. I am just a man who has been married for over 27 years to one wonderful wife. I am also a believer in Jesus and strive to live my life the way Jesus lived His. God has given me the ability to share what He has taught me over the years through this blog and I want to share some of what I have learned or experienced in marriage.

I hope that you will join me in this journey and be willing to share it with others who may also need this information. May we all grow stronger in the Lord and in our marriages or marriages to be.

These posts will show up, Lord willing, each Monday until it is finished.