Divorce is something that is extremely common. One cannot go anywhere without meeting someone who is divorced, in the process of divorce, or thinking about getting a divorce.
Statistics of America state that about 41-50% of all marriages will end in divorce. The average length of a marriage in the United States is seven years.
In the church, the statistics may be slightly lower. Their average can be found at about 38% get divorced or are divorced already.
These statistics are just with first time divorce rates. There are many people who have been divorced more than one time.
The reason for divorce are numerous, but usually stem around the following: infidelity, lack of commitment, conflict or arguing. Many finish with reasons of infidelity, domestic violence, or substance abuse.
With these types of statistics, divorce is a reality in this world. It is something that is found outside and inside the church. Very few people are not touched by divorce in some way or another, either they have been through a divorce or they know someone who has.
Knowing this, I want us to take a look at what the Bible says about divorce.
In the previous posts I looked at what marriage is. It is one man and one woman put together to become one (Genesis 2:22-24). Many will say that this is just the Old Testament and does not apply to us today.
The Pharisees came to Jesus asking about divorce and if it was lawful or not to do. Jesus repeats what was said in Genesis in both Matthew 19 and Mark 10. With those words that the man and woman are to become one, He also adds:
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Matthew 19:6)
The leaders wanted to know what Jesus had to say about divorce and He tells them that it should not happen at all.
“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:16 NASB
God hates divorce! It should not happen.
Why does God hate divorce? It is because He is a God of LOVE. He is Love. He wants His people to be people of love.
Divorce is not love. There is no love in divorce. There is no forgiveness. It is only hatred and selfishness. It only brings about pain and suffering for selfish reasons.
Love has absolutely no room for selfishness or hatred.
Some will say that divorce happened in the Bible and that Moses made provision for divorce. Jesus had something to say about this:
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way form the beginning.” Matthew 19:8
It was only out of the hardness of heart that divorce was ever allowed. This, again, does not show love. Love is soft and kind.
Now I know that there are some out there saying right now that I just don’t know or understand their situation. There are some that are being verbally, emotionally or physically abused, or some combination of all three. They will say that divorce is their only way out of the situation.
I do know that abuse does occur. I agree that it is horrible and can be life-threatening. However bad a situation is does not in any way allow for divorce. The only situation that Jesus says that allows for divorce was for sexual immorality–a spouse cheating on the other spouse sexually with another person.
Even then, divorce does not have to be the answer.
Think about life as a believer. Jesus promised that there would be persecution of every believer. He never promised that following Him would be easy or fun. He only promised that it would be worth it in the end.
Think about this situation: As a believer you are persecuted and abused–physically, sexually and emotionally. Does this give you the right to strike back in anger and hate? No.
Think about Jesus. He was perfect, never did anything wrong ever. Yet, He was abused, persecuted and killed upon a cross. Jesus endured whippings and beatings and a crown of thorns put on His head. Then as He was put upon the cross, He had to endure the pain of nails being driven through His hands and feet. And He had to endure the punishment of all sins of every person for all time. Then to top it off, His Father, whom He had been with for all eternity, turned His back on Him and struck Him.
How horrible! How wrong!
Yet, as Jesus was upon the cross He prayed that the Father would forgive them because they did not really know what they were doing. He forgave them of what they had done wrong.
And the whole reason for going through all that suffering was so that you may have life and be forgiven of your sins. This is real love.
You, as a believer, are to be just like Jesus–full of love and forgiveness. If you are going through persecution as a believer, does that give you the right to deny Jesus to get out of that persecution? NO! You are expected to endure the persecution, love your enemies and forgive them, just like Jesus did with you.
No where in the Bible does it give a believer the right to sin for any reason at all. Yet, many want to divorce, just because ‘we are incompatible’ or ‘he/she is abusive’ or for some other reason. None of these hold up under the command that no one should separate what God has put together.
Marriage may or may not be easy. Guaranteed there will be times that it will be difficult. There will be times that will seem like the most horrible thing on the face of the earth. Yet, marriage is supposed to be about love. One is love the other, no matter what.
Going back to the vows. Many said that they accept the other ‘for better or for worse’. This is often forgotten or ignored. You promised to live together for better or for worse, now wanting to get out of that promise because something is worse. You are to keep your vows before God. He will hold you accountable for every vow you made.
The other thing to remember is that with God all things are possible (Philippians 4:13). God can redeem your marriage. He can also give you the strength to endure all of the abuse that you may be going through. He can give you the love you need to love your spouse, even when that love is not returned and hate is given.
Just as your walk with God as a believer is not always easy, you walk in marriage may not always be easy, but it is worth it to love and fulfill your vow. Who knows? God may change the heart of your spouse and bring the spouse around to change his/her ways to a way of true love.
Divorce does not allow for change. It does not allow for love. It does not allow God to be the center of one’s life. It only brings about death and separation.
Do not allow death and separation to destroy your marriage. Hang in there and trust God to turn things around. Pray daily for strength and love to keep moving forward. Trust God to make the needed changes in your life and in the life of your spouse.
Now with this being said, I will say that there may be times when a spouse may have to move out to be safe from harm. Moving out is not getting a divorce, but staying safe. It still holds on to the hope that God will turn the marriage around.
Also if your spouse is an unbeliever and wants to get the divorce, than you are free to allow the spouse to get the divorce and you are released from your vow. However, you must not be the one to initiate or choose to get the divorce. Fight for your marriage.
I will be praying for your marriage. Praying that God will be the center of both of your lives and the center of your marriage. I will be praying that God will give you strength to love your spouse no matter what happens.
Hi! I just happened to stumble upon your post and have a few thoughts in response to this writing. I’ll just come right out with it: God loves people more than he loves the sanctity of marriage.
If someone is being abused, physically, psychologically, or emotionally, if safe to do so, they should absolutely seek safety and remove themselves permanently from said situations. At the point where abuse has occurs, the abuser has chosen to break the marriage covenant and disqualifies themselves from the love and affection that was originally theirs to enjoy.
Many survivors will tell you, that God literally carried them out of an abusive marriage. I agree 100% that God hates that divorce, but because it hurts His children, and not because He values the marriage institution over the care and wellbeing of people. Your readers should also know that because He loves them so very dearly, that He resolutely HATES abuse, of any sort, including when leaders, pastors, or writers twists the word of God against the victim, thereby giving favor and power to the abuser. This is what appears has been done in this article. The oppressed are still defenseless, and the abuser is given strength by the words written here.
You may not see this clearly right now. Know that I am praying that the Lord will lovingly, but with awesome power remove the veil, so that all readers may see the abused and oppressed from His perspective, and see His benevolence and care towards survivors of abuse.
It is true that He himself endured the cross to save the world and reconcile all of humanity to Himself. And, Jesus has zero tolerance for the abuse of His children, big or small. He endured the cross so that we would not have to, specifically so that we could be freed. Your readers should know this, too.
God has given you, Tom, the power of influence. I pray that He alone will be glorified in all you say and do on this site, lives will be touched in an eternal way, and you will hear the voice of the abused and oppressed saying, “Church, wake up from your sleepy slumber! We are looking to you for unwavering and non-neutral help, we need your staunch protection and care, and we need you to stand up tall and say no to abuse, and ’absolutely not’ to the abuser. Not in God’s house and not to His people!”
I wish you wisdom and courage in this charge that has been set before you. May the Lord bless you and your family, and keep you, always.
Charlotte,
Thank you for reading and your concern. I do fully understand the pain and suffering that comes with abuse and do not wish that upon anyone.
I would like to ask you to show me verses in the bible where it says one can get a divorce for abuse. So far, no person has ever been able to show me a spot where it says that one can get a divorce for abuse. The bible actually says to turn the other cheek when one strikes and is abusive.
Jesus promised that we would have trouble and suffering in this world due to sin. This does not mean one can or should get a divorce. The Bible actually says that we are to love our enemies. If we divorce and run away, are we loving them?
Jesus did not back down from suffering to show true love. Neither should we. Divorce is the easy way out. We need to leave revenge to God.
As I said in that article, one may have to separate for a time, maybe for life, but that is not the same as divorce. My desire is for people to read the whole word of God and not take man’s traditions and thoughts in place of His word.
I trust that you can understand what I am saying.
Again, thank you for your comment and concern and belief that I can influence many people. Have a blessed day in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.